In the therapy for women work I do, it’s common to hear my clients longing for more meaningful relationships? Let’s face it, we live at a time when we’re more connected, yet more lonely than ever. Then there’s the constant busyness. It can be be easy to look around and feel as if no one sees you or truly knows you.
I encourage clients to start with the people you love.
These are the people who matter to you and you matter to them. I had an interesting revelation last night I wanted to share with you.
I’ve known my husband for 30 years. Sometimes we swear we can read each other’s minds. But honestly, I think it’s that we know how to read one another’s non-verbal signals. He came into a room I was in and sat down. I knew he needed to talk about something and it was important. I had stuff to do, but I paused to give him the attention he needed.
This level of connection isn’t something you develop upon just meeting someone.
Nope! It requires a tuning in. It requires time, attention and focus. Too often, we’re get frustrated because we’re focused on what we are or are not getting out of our relationships. This internal focus causes us to forget the importance of really pouring into other’s lives. This reciprocal pouring out and receiving dynamic is how relationships become meaningful.
If you find yourself complaining about feeling alone or that no one “gets” you, I want to encourage you to flip the script and ask yourself: “How am I investing in others?” How is giving and receiving occurring?
We can all point fingers and blame others for needs that haven’t been met or various injured feelings. But the truth is, if you want to have meaningful relationships, you’ve got to be willing to let go of your agenda and really focus in on another.
So start observing today in order to look for patterns.
My husband will yawn, when he starts to say something and changes his mind. I’ve noticed my daughter’s voice pattern and volume changes when she wants to ask something but isn’t sure how it will be received. My son will suddenly get cuddly when he needs attention and is going to ask to do something with me.
How about you & yours? What do they do to “let you know” they need something? Are you tuning in close enough to see the signs? Observing and anticipating these will allow you to grow closer and build more meaningful relationships with the ones who are most important to you.
If you’re feeling stuck and want additional support in developing more meaningful relationships, I want to invite you to learn more about our Therapy for Women