• Not Perfect? The Good News Is…No One Is!

    People will get mad at you, no matter how careful you are and you have to reach a point where you can accept that. There are some people who are never pleased no matter what we do. But, that’s a topic for another day. What I want to focus on today, is assuming someone’s mad at you and deciding how you will react in relation to that assumption.

    I had this happen to me last week. I had to have a difficult conversation with a client. She hadn’t been following through on her agreements and we needed to discuss this, otherwise I was not serving her well. That’s what she was paying me for! I was determined to follow through, even though it was uncomfortable due to my assumptions she would be mad. I want to share what came up for me as I prepared for this conversation:

    Defensive Posturing: 

    I immediately started running through scenarios of how she would react when I brought the subject up, so I could adequately prepare. 

    That sounds like a good idea, but what I found was that, I was coming from a place of defensiveness. It’s just the natural reaction to someone getting upset with us. We know we are not perfect, so we try to justify.

    Fight or Flight Mode: 

    Assuming she was going to get mad, made me want to avoid the conversation completely. I just didn’t want to deal with it. But I was coming from a place of  service. This was not something that could be pushed under the rug. It’s my job to stand firm for my clients and see potential in them, that they do not see. The opposite extreme is also common. Rather than withdraw, some people will just pick a fight preferring to be on the offense rather than the defense.

    A Healthier Option:

    As soon as I recognized these thoughts, I took a step back and really looked at the whole scenario. I looked at what our agreements had been and all the opportunities I had offered her. I looked at where my motives were in having the conversation. This honest, inward appraisal allowed me to drop the defensiveness because this wasn’t an issue of me having done wrong. It was an issue of me genuinely trying to help her get where she wants to go. With that clarity, I was even more certain that ignoring the situation was not a possibility.

    So, I had the conversation. Did she ask why I felt the need to discuss this? Yep. Did she get mad about it? Nope. I was able to clearly explain why it was necessary and in her best interest. She knew where my heart was coming from and that this conversation was important for her. It allowed our working relationship to be stronger and for her to move more quickly to the goals she desires because she knows I’m holding her accountable rather than letting her revert back to the old behaviors that have held her back in the past.

    The lesson I learned

     I exerted a lot of time and energy worrying about her reactions; assuming she was going to be mad. Sure, I’m not perfect. However, it was a great learning experience to see the process I went through. It wasn’t a waste by any means. It allowed me to come to that conversation clear in my intention and motivation so I could serve her to the utmost.

    Your Vibrantly Live Challenge: 

    I’d like you to think of a scenario in which you assumed someone was going to be mad. How did it go? Don’t beat yourself up if it was not perfect! But really evaluate the process you went through and how you can use what you learned today, moving forward.

    If you find that you regularly struggle with making assumptions and are tired of the way those are impacting your relationships, I want to invite you to consider gaining some support.  We’d love to discuss our Therapy for Women services during a complimentary phone consultation.