Interview with Alyssa

 

How long have you been doing what you do and how did you get to be a Transformational Coach for Working Moms?

 

Let me start with an explanation of why I do the work I do. I have been blessed to be married to my husband, Jaime for almost 20 years and we have 2 great kids.  Becoming a counselor was a pretty easy leap for me because I’d always felt a calling to help people.  I received my Masters of Social Work degree in 1997.  I then completed 2 years post-graduate training in order to become a Licensed Clinical Social Worker.  Moms have always been a part of my practice, as I began my career working with families. 

 

After several years, I began noticing that a lot of the women I worked with didn’t require counseling.  They weren’t broken and needing to be “fixed”.  Instead, they were looking for direction and skills to help them live a more purposeful life.  At this point, I began my training for coaching.

 

I’d seen this desire in my own life.  As my children grew up and needed me less and less I really struggled with “Now what?”  My response to this was to do extra stuff around the house, run the errands, cook the meals, take the kids in 50 million directions all week long, and still try to have time for sleep, exercise and be amorous with my husband!  All the while, I was still working full-time as a business owner!

 

I quickly found myself exhausted, irritable, and looking back – I wasn’t very pleasant to live with.  I was so wrapped up in trying to be what I thought a “good” wife and mother looked like, I didn’t even see what a mess I was making of everything important to me.

 

As a relationship expert, you’d think I’d have seen the warning signs – but when it’s your own life you don’t see things as clearly.  In the middle of all this craziness, I ended up with a back injury.  I couldn’t move much due to excruciating pain – worse than childbirth!  I sat around crying for a while, feeling sorry for myself.  I knew I needed to take better care of myself and stop worrying about what everybody was thinking in order to be the person I wanted my family to see.

 

Since then, my life has been MUCH different!  Because of the blessing of the injury, exercise is not optional.  I HAVE to work out or the pain comes back.  I also embraced the fact that I’m an introvert and need quiet time, alone, so I make sure it happens every day.   Now, I’m intentional about the time spent with my family, rather than just doing things for them.  But the greatest lesson I learned was that I had to let go of the unrealistic expectations I’d put on myself.  All they were doing is causing me to constantly feel guilty for not measuring up.

 

The burden of those expectations caused me to be a lousy wife and an impatient, grouchy mother.  Letting go of my belief that I had to do everything and it had to be perfect, allowed me to embrace and honor the person God made me to be.  That doesn’t look like society’s version of perfect – but that’s ok.

 

Because of these life experiences, I have dedicated my professional life to helping stressed out, exhausted and over-committed working moms break free from the exhaustion of living their lives on autopilot, so they can enjoy their lives and their families as well as leave a legacy they can be proud of for their children. Over the past 16 years, I have authored 4 books, had over 300 of my articles published and spoken to dozens of women’s groups.  I have worked with hundreds of these moms during my career.  I’ve seen their marriages improve; their relationships with their kids strengthened; and proudly watched them step into the lives they were created for.

 

Who are your clients exactly?

 

I work with stressed out, exhausted and over-committed working moms who are tired of living their lives on autopilot.  They’re bone tired.  Their health, children, finances, friendships and marriage are all being impacted by the constant running and pressure she feels to be a “good” wife, mother, friend, co-worker, etc.  My clients recognize their current way of living isn’t working for them anymore.    They feel lost and fed up.

 

Most of the moms I work with have had some significant event happen that wakes them up to the reality that they need more.  This might include:

  • A health scare
  • Their marriage feels shaky or even a divorce
  • A negative review at work that jeopardizes their income
  • Feeling like they’re going to cry all the time
  • A comment from their kids that shows them they aren’t meeting their kids’ needs like they thought they were.

 

These moms are bright and creative women.  They’ve made several attempts, on their own, at making a change but nothing has worked long term.  This leads them to doubt themselves even more and cause the spiral of struggle to worsen.  

 

They’ve reached a point where they’re fed up with going it alone and KNOW they need someone to come along beside them and walk them through the changes they’re ready to make.  They recognize the value of investing in themselves with their time, energy and resources.  

 

I have two main ways that I work with these moms – through my faith based coaching services and faith based counseling services.  Please click on either to get more specific information.

 

What if I don’t fall into that category of client?

 

I work with lots of women, who are not moms.  The core struggles of unrealistic expectations and exhaustion from trying to do too much are still present so they are definitely able to benefit from the work we do.  As women, our relationships are critical to our happiness.  When those aren’t going well, life doesn’t feel like it’s going well.  Our work together allows you to create meaningful relationships with the people you love as well as support you in achieving at higher levels in your career because you’ll have more energy and focus.

 

What’s the difference between counseling and coaching?

 

COUNSELING:  I like to describe counseling like archaeology!  We focus on how your past and old, learned behaviors are affecting your current reality and try to “fix” what is broken to put it back together.  Counseling is more for the individual who is having a difficult time getting through every day life and whose functioning is not at a level where she needs to be.

 

COACHING:

I like to describe coaching like architecture!  You have a foundation, which is where you are right now.  We take that foundation and, together, focus on building something new on top of it.  Nothing is broken.  It’s more about adding on to what’s already present to create a new reality that takes your life in a direction of your choosing.

 

How are you different from other counselors or coaches?

 

COUNSELING: A lot of counselors focus only on mental illness.  They spend most of your working time on your past and processing it’s effects on you.  Many of my clients’ experiences with counselors have been negative because “All I did was talk and talk and nothing really changed”.

 

I’m different in that you won’t have a weekly appointment date and time.  You won’t lay on a couch.  You’re welcome to kick off your shoes and get comfy if you want, but that’s up to you!  And most importantly, you aren’t signing your life away to years of therapy.

 

You have a specific concern that’s caused you to consider counseling.  THAT’S what we’ll focus on.  Sure, we may need to go back and look at how these patterns were created in order to make changes, but all of our time won’t be focused on that.  

 

Your life is busy and you’ve got better things to do than come and see me every week. But this process is work.  It is not about coming in, talking for a while and miraculously feeling better.  I have high expectations for you just as you should have for me.

 

COACHING:  This is a very broad field with few regulations.  Just about anyone can call themselves a “coach”, so it’s important to find someone who will provide you with the results you’re looking for.   I focus on a specialized type of coaching called Transformational Coaching.  This involves transforming more than just your actions, but the core of who you are.  Anyone can change their behavior for short periods of time with sheer willpower.  It’s only through internal transformation that change is real and will remain permanent. 

 

My job as your coach is to help you to identify the beliefs that are no longer serving you, develop the direction you want to go, support you in the goals you design, and hold you accountable to making those changes.  You are seen as fully capable of achieving the right direction to attain the goals that you and I co-create.

 

FOR EVERYONE:  I am extremely unique in that I have been trained as a counselor and transformational coach.  Because of my extensive skills in both areas of expertise, I work with you to decide which services are most appropriate for your needs and then our work begins.  I am also unique in that I am NOT a generalist – as most counselors and “life” coaches tend to be.  I have spent years fine tuning my skills so that they are extremely effective for my ideal clients, rather than just for anybody.

 

My ultimate goal for all of my clients is found in Romans 12:12, “Be joyful in hope, patient in pain and faithful in prayer.”  I will celebrate your successes with you, be present with you in your moments of pain and faithfully pray for your situation during our work together.

 

All of the work I do with you is biblically based and founded on Christian principles.  But I promise NOT to shove religion down your throat.  We’re all at different places in our Walk and being judgmental, doesn’t help anybody.  Your faith is seen as a strength, and it will be honored in the work we do.

 

What type of personality do you work best with and what is expected of me?

 

My services are created for stressed out, exhausted and over-committed working moms who are tired of feeling as if they are just going through the motions of life.  They want genuine relationships both in and out of work.  They want to do their best, not just “get by.”  I work best with women who are ready, emotionally and financially, to make changes they’ve been longing for, for many years.  They are committed to doing the work and take personal responsibility for making the changes in their lives.

 

My programs are designed to help you have a definitive path to get you where you want to go.  No more guess work.  You know what’s expected, you know you’ll be supported and you’ll feel safe to make the changes you’re ready to make.  And you’re ready to take a no excuses approach to getting there.

 

Being a fast paced, high achiever – I work best with other higher achievers who know what they want, but haven’t been able to figure out how to get it.  They are ready for a step by step plan for moving ahead and they’re ready to move NOW!

 

What type of person will NOT be a good fit for you and your programs?

 

Please know I am very selective about who I work with. Your success is my utmost concern.  I make sure new clients and I are a good fit for one another.  It’s not fair for us to decide to work together if you’re not able to get the most out of it.    If I don’t think our working together is going to be the best option for you, I will gently point this out and give you a referral to one of several other professionals I know and trust.

 

My services and programs are not for people who just want to use their insurance to see the “cheapest provider.”  My services are anything but “run of the mill” or “cookie cutter”.  They are highly specialized and individualized to meet your unique needs.  These are principles and steps I’ve created and perfected during my 16 years of service to thousands of clients.  I provide the highest level of services and experiences for the moms I choose to work with.  If you’re just looking for any old counselor or coach – I am NOT your woman.  I am here to serve you with everything I can give.  I want to help you become the woman you were created to be.

 

Another type of person I will not work with (without exception) is the person who doesn’t take responsibility for her actions.  You are an adult and I will treat you as such.  Your results are YOUR responsibility.  I will provide you with everything you need to reach your goals, but you have to then do it.  It is not my job to chase after you to turn in assignments, schedule appointments, and to take advantage of all of information I provide you with.  That is your responsibility.  If you are used to a lot of hand holding and coddling, I respectfully ask that you seek out another professional. We’ll probably not work well together and I wouldn’t want you to waste your time or money.

 

What exactly will we do together?

 

As I mentioned earlier, once the pain in my back was better, and I decided to live my life differently, I took specific steps in order to turn my life into something I enjoyed rather than just wandered through.  I’ve taken those steps and taught them to my clients for years.  These steps are now called the Vibrantly Live System™.  It’s all about honoring your true self and stepping into the life you were created for.

 

The Vibrantly Live System™ is the foundation for all of my coaching programs.  It is a 4 part process that shows you step by step how to break free from the exhaustion and into a life that’s meaningful and filled with joy.  Click here to learn exactly what I teach those clients and what my The Vibrantly Live System™ looks like.

 

Because of the more personal nature of counseling services, your treatment plan will be geared specifically to the unique problem you are seeking assistance with.  Distinct skills and goals will be established and moving toward those will be the focus of our work together.  Click here to see the specific packages I offer for my counseling clients.

 

Does this really work?

 

Yes!  The women I work with are healthier because the stress level in their life is dramatically improved.  They have more energy because they’re doing more of what they enjoy rather than activities that drain and lead to exhaustion.  Their relationships with loved ones are improved because not every second of their lives are scheduled.  They KNOW they are leaving a legacy they can be proud of because they are modeling a life they want their children to live when they’re adults.   But don’t take my word for it – check out my client success stories.

 

What specific results can I expect?

 

You can expect to:

  • Experience freedom from negative thoughts – enough beating yourself up and having those thoughts “slip out” in front of the kids!  You’ll show them a strong, happy mom and be able to teach them how to stop their negative thoughts.
  • Let go of worries about what other think  – feel confident that you know what’s right for you and your family.
  • Live a more simplified life – ahhh!  We say we want this all the time –now’s your chance to really learn what it means and how to get it!
  • Be more intentional about the decisions you make – no more saying “yes” to things you know you don’t want to do.
  • Have meaningful and fulfilling relationships with your kids and your spouse – No more wishing – make this a reality for you.
  • Learn to manage everyday stress– This means you’ve got more patience with your loved ones, you’re less likely to bite someone’s head off and you smile more!
  • Have a sense of calm in your life –  No more “unexplained” meltdowns.
  • Give yourself permission to make yourself a priority - You’ll honor the needs you were created with and recognize your value.  This allows you to give yourself more fully to the people you love rather than feeling resentful over the demands people place on you.
  • Find more peace – no more feeling scattered.  You’ll have a systematic approach for staying focused on what matters and for tackling one thing at a time.
  • Confidence  that you’re modeling how to vibrantly live to your children and any other important people in your life.
  • Stronger, more vibrant relationships with others – You’ll know how to spend your time, who to invest it in, and who to protect yourself from.
  • Feel confident in your ability to make important decisions – Know you’re on the right path rather than constantly doubting yourself.
  • Not sweat the small stuff – know what’s truly important and make choices that support that.
  • Relax and enjoy life more– No more stressing out!
  • Develop consistent time to  work on yourself without guilt – Keeping your spirit filled is what allows you to give freely to others.
  • Learn skills to think things through rather than react and get upset.
  • Set appropriate boundaries to take better care of yourself and ultimately your family.
  • Take your spiritual relationship to a level it’s never been – No more using it as a last resort, see it as a strength and make it real for you.
  • Understand that you are making an impact not only on your family, but your community and world at large.

 

How quickly can I expect to see a difference?

 

Obviously this depends on how much time and energy you put into the process. Most of my clients begin noticing significant changes within the first couple of weeks. Let’s be honest, these are things you’ve wanted for a really long time, but had no clue how to go about making them a reality.  I see it all the time.  Most of my clients are a little jaded, because they’ve tried everything they could think of.  They feel defeated and at the “end of their rope.”  Hope, joy, peace, rest, meaningful relationships – those aren’t things for everybody else!  They can be yours!  Let me show you how to get them.

 

Why should I hire someone to help me?  Can’t I just do this on my own?

 

My answer to this is a simple one.  If you could have done this on your own, wouldn’t you have already done it by now?  We both know you would have.  Hiring me, doesn’t make you weak.  You aren’t a failure because you need support in dealing with this.  These are the most common things the women I work with fear.

 

They are strong and very capable women.  They are super high achievers, and have been most of their lives.  That drive to achieve has served them very well during their academic career and in their career.  But it isn’t serving them well at home.  Our bodies were created to need down time.  That’s why we sleep!  That need to go, go, go and never sit still doesn’t serve us with our children or our husbands.

 

I KNOW that the women I work with, have tried everything they can think of to slow down, enjoy life more and just be content with the here and now.  But they’re stuck.  That doesn’t make them weak.  It just means they don’t have the tools yet to do life differently.  That’s what I offer them.  Those are the tools I had to learn.  Those are the tools I’ve been teaching my clients for almost two decades.

 

I’m so busy, what if I don’t have time to do the work?

 

If you ever wonder what’s REALLY important to someone, all you need to do is look at their calendar and their checkbook.  What we spend time on and what we spend money on, says a lot about us.

 

Sure you’re busy!  That’s part of the problem, isn’t it?  You’re SO busy, you’re drained and don’t have the energy to really enjoy all you’ve been blessed with.  My question to you is this:  “When will things slow down?  When will be a better time for you to work on this?”  We both know the answer is “Never.”

 

Now is your time!  You’re here, reading this page right now because you’re at a defining moment in your life.  You wouldn’t have read this far, if you didn’t know you need to make a change.  Why would you put that off, one second longer?

 

Look at what these patterns have cost you so far?  Your sense of well-being, your health, your productivity at work, your relationships with your kids, intimacy with your husband?  And let’s not forget, how much money you’ve spent trying to make yourself feel better on short-term endeavors like a new haircut, that new outfit, or eating out!

 

What other costs are you going to endure?  Now is your time to make this change.  Don’t use “I’m busy” as an excuse to continue in this pattern one second longer.

 

How do I know it will be worth the money?

 

How many days of work have you missed due to struggling with the exhaustion?  Sure, some of those days were probably paid, but think of the REAL vacation time you COULD have used!  Time that could have been spent with your family – having fun, or a quiet day for yourself to relax and enjoy.

 

What’s it costing you relationally?  Is your husband just getting your left overs because you’re so tired?  Is that causing tension in your marriage?  How much time and energy is your husband eating up, worrying about how you’re doing?

 

What about your kids?  How is this impacting them on a daily basis?  Are they not getting a fully engaged mom who actively pours into them because you’re just too tired to “give” anymore?  What would it be worth to KNOW you’re being a better mom – not only in how you interact with the kids, but also by what you’re modeling in front of them all the time?!

 

How much is it worth to you, to finally be living the life you know you were created for?  Let go of worries about what everyone thinks and have meaningful relationships with the ones you love?

 

C’mon – we both know that we blow all kinds of money trying to make ourselves feel better – manicures, highlights, massages, shopping sprees. But in the end does any of that bring long lasting benefit? No! We feel good for a little bit, but then another argument happens, or our kids act like they don’t know us. We sit around feeling useless and wonder “What’s next?” Isn’t it time to vibrantly live?

 

What if I can’t afford it?

 

All too often, we quickly jump to “I can’t afford it” without really thinking things through.

 

I want to start by shifting your mindset from “I can’t afford it” to “How can I afford it?  My job is to get you to think in an empowered way about how to move forward, and sometimes that means getting creative about how to afford the guidance that you need.  While I’m happy to work with clients to help them find a way to pay for a program, I also ask that if you feel you’re ready to work with me that you do some thinking in advance about how you may be able to afford the program.   Think about where you may be leaving money on the table – what can you sell?  What skills and abilities do you have that you could offer to others to earn some additional money?  Get creative and empower yourself to go after what you need!

 

I know from personal experience.  If we truly want something, we find the money to make it happen.  Over the past several years, I personally have invested over $50,000 on my personal growth.  I understand the value of investing in myself.  Has it required getting very creative and being willing to sacrifice certain things?  Sure it has!  But I would never go back and change those decisions.  They’ve made me the wife, mom, daughter, friend, and coach I am today.  It really comes down to how bad you truly want to make a change in your life.

 

What if I feel selfish wanting to invest in myself?

 

I think that’s a typical knee-jerk reaction for women.  We’ll do for everyone else before we think about doing anything for ourselves.  But, don’t you see?  That’s the thinking that got you to this point to begin with!  Being a martyr and putting everyone before you is the selfish act.  It causes you to feel less important, taken advantage of and leads to bitterness and resentment.

 

I always say that moms are the heart of a family.  If we aren’t in a good place, then the whole family suffers.  It is selfish NOT to invest in yourself and continue as you have been.  It is selfish to continue living a half-life because that’s what you’re teaching your daughters to do.  That’s what you’re teaching your sons to expect from their wives.  And you’re robbing your husband of a vibrant relationship with the woman he married.

 

Alyssa, based on everything I’ve read and heard about you, I know you’re the one I want to work with. What are my options for getting started with you?

 

WOOHOO!!!!   Congratulations on making a decision to step into the richer and more enjoyable life were created for!!  I’m thrilled to have the chance to work with you and help you achieve your goals.

 

To get started, I can work with you in 1 of 2 ways – transformational coaching or counseling.   It’s important that you’re clear on what the differences are so the correct service type is chosen.  Please click here to learn the specifics about my coaching services.  Please click here to learn the specifics about my counseling services.

 

I need to talk to my husband about this first.  How would you suggest talking to him?

 

That’s a great question!  You absolutely need to talk to him.  One of my favorite sayings is “Everything changes when you change.”  That means that when you begin doing this work, it will have ripple effects toward everyone in your life.  So the important people in your life need to be prepared for things to change (for the better!)

 

I’ve found that my client’s husbands are very supportive.  He’s been worried about you for a while.  He sees how tired you are.  He sees the lack of joy in your everyday experiences.  A lot of the time, he’s tried to help lighten the load for you, but you’ve pushed the offers aside because you feel you “should” be doing everything.

 

A lot of times, husbands are even actively involved in the work my clients are doing.  They’ll ask how they can help and will cheer you along.

 

Your husband loves you and he loves his kids.  He wants to see you happy and he wants you to be in a good place to love on the kids.  He sees the pressure you feel trying to balance home and work.  When you’re torn between those two place,s and feel you aren’t doing any of it well, that directly impacts the amount of attention you can give him.  Your husband needs to know he’s just as much of a priority in your life as the kids are.  Just because he’s an adult and can take care of himself, doesn’t mean he doesn’t need you.  He may not say those words directly, but you’ll know when he’s feeling neglected.  That’s when there’s tension, irritability and he’s less interested in being helpful.

 

One of the best suggestions I can offer you, is to have your husband read this interview so he can understand who I am and the type of work you’re going to be doing with me.  And then secondly, be honest with him.  If you haven’t been up front about how you’re feeling and then you suddenly talk to him about investing in a program, he won’t understand where that’s coming from.  Now is not the time to keep answering him question on “Are you ok?” with “I’m fine”.  Or “Is everything ok?” with “Everything’s great!”  Tell, him how exhausted you are.  Tell him the specifics of what you’ve already tried and how working with me is the answer you need.

 

Finally, I’m always open to speaking directly with husbands if they have specific questions.  We can always set that up after you and I have talked directly.

 

Ok, I know which program I want. How do we get started?

 

GREAT! Decisive action is a wonderful quality to master and will serve you well as you begin this journey! It’s a well-known fact that decisive action takers are people who make decisions based on their intuition. So, that being said, since this feels right for you, then I want to cheer you on and say “Go for it!”

 

Here’s all you need to do. Just visit my Contact Page to send a message to my team, letting us know which program you are interested in. We’ll then send you specific instructions for moving forward – and, of course, we’ll be happy to answer any questions you have. I can’t wait to get to know you!

 

If I’m not sure I’m ready to get started, how can I sample your work to see if it’s the right solution for me?

 

A great way to sample the Vibrantly Live System is grab my high content special Report “Stop Trying to be Perfect!  4 Easy Ways to Enjoy Your Life”.

 

It will walk you through the System, gives you an opportunity to get to know me a little, and will provide you with action steps you can take to get started on right now! As a thank you by snagging that report, you’ll also be given free access to the Vibrantly Live newsletter.  It provides you with proven tips and powerful techniques from the Vibrantly Live System.

 

OK, I’m ready to do this for myself, but I have a couple of additional questions. Can I call you?

 

Good, sounds like you’re ready to step into your new future! Yes, if you have a couple of questions, just contact my team here and they’ll be happy to schedule a get acquainted call with me to walk you through the different options and to see which one will be the very best for you. I can’t wait to watch you succeed and am honored to be the one to help you. Let’s get going!